I was pondering about something that for most people is very hard to deal with, Forgiveness. There are so many types of different things one can easily forgive, and yet there are others that are hard. You can forgive a stranger for stepping on your foot on the train. You can easily forgive a friend who is late to pick you up to attend an event. However, when you need to forgive a family member, husband wife, son, daughter, mother or father, it is not as easy.
You most likely experience some friction in your relationship with the person who has hurt you in any way, whether it was recently or in the past. In such a situation is when you need to exercise your “Forgiveness Muscle”.
I will share a few perspectives to help you in the journey to true forgiveness.
1- Please notice that the person who has hurt your feelings has most probably had a different experience growing up than you did. Therefore, their thought process isn’t the same as yours.
2- Recognize that the forgiveness you are about to grant is not for them, but for you. People will go about their business, yet the unforgiveness will not allow them to experience true happiness. It might as well stunt their inner growth.
3- Really, forgiving is about letting the go, though you might feel hurt. You can recognize that this is something that you need to work on by yourself or with the help of therapy, if necessary. Yet, you no longer hold the person who hurt you as the continuous responsible party. You do let them go. Doing this will help you heal that pain. It will allow the other person to heal and grow as well. In most cases, both parties are hurt and both parties have to deal with letting go and moving on.
4- Sometimes, we get to understand what actually happened, and sometimes we do not. Sometimes, we can see eye to eye with the other person’s point of view which lead to the fight or disagreement, sometimes we won’t. Sometimes, he or she will ask you to forgive them and sometimes they won’t.
As well, sometimes the person who hurt you or even traumatized you passed away or moved away and you will never get them to say “I am sorry”. However, for your sake and for your healing, it is imperative that you say, “I forgive you”. It is impossible to heal until you take this step.
You might not think about the issue much, you might hide the pain or even run away from the whole experience. Yet, at some point, you will realize that the hurt leads you to be reactive to certain triggers, that you face difficulties in your relationships, because we tend to defend ourselves so that we do not get hurt again. Therefore, truly letting go is the only way to begin to heal yourself so that the particular hurt will not resonate in your relationships and take your peace.
5- You will find that in many cases you think you have forgiven, but in the presence of a trigger you will feel the hurt all over again. Know that this is a journey, a process, and you may need to speak to yourself in a way that allows you to continue to stay firm with the decision you have made of forgiving him, her or them. It is very important that you remind yourself how important this is for your peace and happiness, for your future and progress as often as needed. You deserve good things. You deserve to overcome that painful moment or period in your life.
This information can help you with mostly anything you need to forgive. If you cannot do this on your own, and you believe in God, I encourage you to seek Him.
Sometimes, certain hurts can turn into traumas, and at this point you might benefit from some form of therapy. It can be a Therapist, Psychologist or a Life Coach.
I wish you the very best in your forgiveness journey.
With much love,
Alicia Yombalakian