This message is especially for people who’ve raised a family and now find themselves with an empty nest. This message is also for people who’re building a family and are unaware of their self-value. This message will help you gain your self-value back and create a better quality of life for yourself and anyone who’s actively learning from you.
After we build a family with someone, we might gather our self-value from him/her. “If my partner values me I am valued if he or she doesn’t, I don’t have much value on my own.” Though this isn’t true for everyone, it’s definitely true for a lot of people.
It might sound unreasonable to consider that we gather our self-value from our loved ones, but we do from birth. Our parents show us with their body language, behavior, and words if we’re “good children” (deserving) or “bad children” (undeserving). School shows us if we’re liked or not liked (if we fit in or don’t). Unless we have an innate understanding of our self-value, we’ll gather our understanding of that value from our environment. When we’re adults and raise a family, it’s no different. Your partner might make you feel like you are valued or not. Your teenager or young adult child might make you feel bad about yourself because you’re “outdated”. However, it’s you who can and should decide your own value as a human being, as a partner, or as a parent. Though change doesn’t happen overnight, it’s surely possible, and here’re some tips to get started.
The very first Step in embracing positive change is awareness.
You can become aware by asking yourself different questions and discerning the answers. For example, the first few questions you can ask yourself to make the very first decision on your self-value are:
- Should he/she/they decide my human and self-value?
- Does he/ she/they have the right to assign my self-value?
- Should he/she/they be the judge of my self-value?
- What are my rights regarding my own self-value?
After answering these questions you might find that no matter what right or wrong decisions you’ve made in the past in regard to your family, your value should be assigned to yourself by you, by the “adult” you. As an adult, you have the right and the responsibility to care for yourself. You also have the right and the responsibility to right some wrongs in your life. If your parents or schoolmates told you or showed you somehow that you don’t hold a high value or that you don’t deserve good things, it’s important that you became aware that what they showed you was their perception of themselves mirrored unto you. As an adult, you can become aware of the fact that you received what people had within them to give and it wasn’t necessarily healthy or good. However, you do deserve your very best and can embrace positive change right now, with one decision.
You deserve your very best!
If your partner, child, family member, or friend rejects you for any reason, remember that their rejection doesn’t have power over your self-value. I’m not telling you to reject them too or to stop having a relationship with them. I’m telling you that their rejection should not crush your value. Your value lies within your own decision.
A healthy value of myself allows me to set boundaries
When we don’t value ourselves, we tend to hand over that value to someone else. If he/she/they are happy with me, then I’m valued, if the opposite is true then my value decreases. When you find the courage to take charge of your own life and self-value, you can lovingly set boundaries with your loved ones, where you have a say, a right, and the opportunity to establish what you best understand as a boundary. As you communicate with yourself and learn to know what you find healthy or not you can better define those boundaries. Again, they’re not meant to separate you from the ones you love but to enforce self-value. It will help you take the power you gave to others back into your hands. Some examples of boundaries could be:
- “Please, knock on the door before coming into my room.”
- “I’d appreciate it if you let me know when you would like to discuss a sensitive subject. I’ll let you know if it’s a good time for me.”
- “Please refrain to call me names or shout when we talk. If you do this again we might have to continue this conversation at another time.”
The empty nest and my self-value.
We tend to feel empty when we have an empty nest, and that might be happening because we simply miss our children. However, it might also be happening because we’ve invested so much time and effort throughout the years in devoting ourselves to them that we forgot to be an individual. I know that it can be easy to get so busy with life as a mother or father that you forget to take time for yourself. Sometimes, we even hide behind our busy life and stop getting in touch with our own unresolved issues, as well as our needs, desires, or goals.
Whether you have an empty nest or you’re raising your children now, remember to take time in your day for yourself. Even if it’s 15 minutes. Be in touch with your wants, needs, and personal goals.
Here are some things you can do to care for yourself and build a happier path for yourself and concentrate on yourself:
- Journal and ask yourself questions to better understand yourself and what you really want.
- Meditate and practice mindfulness.
- Take one step toward your personal goal each day.
- Build new relationships
- Take a class
- Redecorate your house
- Go to the gym
- Seek a support group
Though this can be a longer conversation. You now have some tips to guide you in the right direction toward your self-value while experiencing an empty nest while raising a family. Please take one day at a time, one awareness, one deeper understanding, and one decision at a time toward your very best. Your value is within you and you have the ability and the responsibility to decide it. Take charge of your own life and live your best life yet. You deserve your best!
With much love,
Alicia
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