Growing up I remember my dad as the serious guy who would get angry, very angry about the smallest things. If the hand towels were missing in the bathroom or if they were wrongly placed. They would be a trigger for anger to show up. However, I do not remember my dad ever expressing other emotions like sadness, happiness, peace, etc.
When I was growing up in the late 60′ and 70′ the anger emotion was the most valid one for a man to express publicly. I believe that publicly meant anyone who can see you. I think this was a macho man’s behavior (Men do not cry syndrome). I acknowledge that when he was growing up that is the way he was taught and that is what he knew.
Then I remember him becoming very emotional and expressing what I can understand as repressed emotions when he got Alzheimer’s… When he no longer had a conscious way to guard himself, he started to cry and to allow the locked up emotions of a lifetime to surface.
Today five years after my dad’s demise I was looking at some pictures of him and started remembering our lives as dad and daughter, and I made this observation.
It can be difficult for many people to allow themselves to express emotions in a healthy way. It might as well be hard to not fear that allowing someone to know how you feel will be taken as a weakness on your part.
Dialogue builds relationships, held up emotions breaks them.
The truth is that dialogue builds relationships and holding back emotions breaks them. Why? Because through dialogue we can know how each party feels and understands the issue at bay. Through dialogue, we can set up healthy boundaries and build better communication skills. Aslo, through dialogue we can find where our issues may be coming from, They enable us to learn to know ourselves better and to grow within
However, when emotions are held in and not communicated, there will be a sure explosion at some point whether explosion or implosion.
The explosion of emotions tends to come out altogether and it usually is misunderstood because in the tense moment the person exploding is unable to eloquently explain his or her feelings. Most times many issues pressing the person are exposed. On the other hand, the implosion of emotions happens where the person starts feeling sick inside or gets depressed unable to find out where this ailment could come from.
Free the emotions you have kept hostage within you
Therefore, I invite you to take some time to write down those emotions that you have been holding hostage and harboring within you.
If you are able to talk to the person you have negative emotions or hurt toward, please invite that person to dialogue. If you feel like you cannot speak to that person find a mediator or seek the assistance of a Life Coach. Many of us specialize in communication skills and mediation.
If you are no longer able to speak to that person, write him or her a letter with all your emotions. Put a chair in front of you and read the letter to that person. Maybe you can already let it go and live your today without that baggage, which you might not be able to change anyway. Make peace with that truth. Then break the letter in many pieces and throw it to the trash.
These are two simple ways to lose the weight these emotions have on us. You will feel much better after dealing with them.
These emotions are not there to make you unhappy but to produce positive change, that is why we do not want them to stay stagnant within us. When you have a toothache you will need the dentist to work on that tooth, the same goes for emotion.
When you get a painful emotion you are being given the opportunity for growth and positive change. It is there to catapult you toward healing.