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When You Feel Upset Use This Tool to Change Your State of Mind

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Everyone goes through difficult times in life. Sometimes they ‘re short lived issues and sometimes they are long-term unresolved issues. Most of them probably involve relationships with others.

Though some issues can be resolved easily, others might take time, and if that’s the case you might be experiencing emotional pain, anxiety, and/or anger. It’s unhealthy to allow these negative feelings to stay stagnant in your mind and body.

Of course, it all depends on the situation you’re facing. If you are experiencing grief due to the loss of a loved one, this tool might not work for you because you might need to go through the process of grieving to find healing. However, if for example, you are having relationship issues that aren’t getting resolved this tool might help you.

When you experience thoughts of worry, anger, or frustration on a daily basis or for long periods of time, your brain is getting accustomed to that state of mind and it might possibly be creating the habit of worry, frustration, etc. Most likely worry is accompanied by feelings of frustration, helplessness, and lack of confidence. In short, you end up experiencing emotional pain. Moreover, when we experience negative feelings our bodies experience change too due to the secretion of hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, therefore, these feelings will affect our physical body in the long run.

This tool can be used as a mantra that you can tell yourself when you realize that you’re experiencing such emotions. These statements will enable you to take your mind off of things helping you to shift your feelings from pain, worry, frustration, or anger to confidence, peace, hope, and even joy.

Use any of the examples below:

  • I deserve to be in a good mood.
  • I desire to be in a good mood.
  • I want to be in a good mood.
  • I deserve to feel happy.
  • I desire to feel happy.
  • I want to feel happy.
  • I am ok, and everything is ok.

If you stop yourself as soon as you realize that you’re getting upset and say phrases such as these, your mind will shift away from the thoughts that were making you upset. When you use this tool enough, you will have created a new habit and you can tap into it easily at any time.

With much love,

Alicia

How Do I Put Myself First Without Hurting Others?

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Learning how to put yourself first is a journey. Several components of your belief system and the social environment might have conditioned you to believe that “putting yourself first” is selfish or it might hurt your loved ones. Let’s discuss some of the belief systems that keep insecure and even afraid to put yourself first and how to do it without hurting anyone.

“Unconditional love” (If I love them I have to put them first)

If you’re anything like me, you were taught to put your husband and children first to be a good wife and mother. I can assure you, I did. However, it made me insecure, a people pleaser, unhappy, and promoted negative thinking patterns. I had this fight in my head of “I need time for me”, I need my loved ones to love on me the way I love on them”, and “Somebody, please pay attention to me (for a change).”

Being a baby boomer, I grew up at a time when women were taught to be family oriented and to love their families unconditionally (Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions). I gave birth to my children. I must forgive their actions and never allow my love for them or my relationship with them to be shaped by their behavior toward me. I’m older and more experienced I have to be strong and keep on going. They’ll grow and change their ways. I did promise them, unconditional love. I must let go of my brother’s and or sister’s reactions toward me and just be there for them. I proudly love everyone unconditionally. That means, forgiving, letting go, moving on even when issues are unresolved, and putting others’ needs before yours. If I’m a good family member, I should be the bigger person I believed in and pursue it as my truth.

Now having adult sons, and finding myself with an empty nest, I had to search within, research the true meaning of unconditional love and reshape these meanings in my mindset. This is basically what I gather about loving someone unconditionally.

  • When I pursue loving unconditionally, I’m actually loving myself conditionally.
  • When I love others that way I assign a lesser value and esteem to myself.
  • When I love others with that unhealthy unconditional love, I actually do them a disservice because I’m showing them how to love me and possibly how to love themselves and others.
  • Loving is an action and I need to take responsibility for those loving actions toward me and others.
  • Loving unconditionally is mostly comprised of unhealthy behaviors that make conditional love a lie.

However, we can still love “unconditionally”, if it’s done in a healthy way. I can love someone even if I’m not in their presence, even if I let them know how I cannot be treated and how I can. The compromise is to not just take whatever treatment comes to me but to have mature relationships where I communicate healthy boundaries as I respect theirs. maybe loving a family member unconditionally means, giving them another chance to communicate and grow into a healthier relationship, or being there for them in their time of need.

Therefore, I encourage you to search within and research the meaning of these words you were taught and find a healthier way to love yourself and others. When you love yourself healthier, you’re helping others love you healthier and even themselves.

With much love,

Alicia

Unwanted Hiatus? Do the dishes. Let me explain…

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Sometimes we’re stuck in an unwanted hiatus or time off. Totally unguarded and unexpectant after 2 years of not getting sick, at the end of 2022 I got COVID-19. I was unable to celebrate New Year’s with friends and family. My Hiatus was a week long. Nevertheless, I was stuck at home feeling sick. When you feel sick 60 seconds might feel like 60 minutes, therefore, being stuck at home feeling unwell was emotionally more draining than other times being sick in the past.

At that point, I realized that I can still make some choices for myself in order to feel better. I can wait it out sad and depressed, or I can choose to do at least one of the things on my to-do list each day. Doing one thing a day might make me feel like I’m progressing toward my goals. It’s not about anyone else but me. Therefore, making a list of the things that I want to accomplish and keeping my word to myself on doing what I set out to do in spite of how, is success to me.

But, how do I make myself do what I don’t feel like doing?

Sometimes in life, you find yourself having to do the dishes. Who in the world enjoys washing dishes every night? Definitely, not me. However, I wash the dishes every night in spite of how I feel. I use the same method in life to make myself do the things that I don’t feel like doing but need to do or should get done in spite of how I feel at that moment.

This very message is an example of one of the things on my list. Though I’m no longer on “hiatus”, I’m still sick. I feel sick and weak, which in turn also makes me feel emotionally drained. In any case, my choice was made under the understanding that doing one thing on my list today would strengthen me emotionally as I feel like I’m still progressing. My day was more purposeful after writing this message too.

Do I feel much better now? Not yet, I might need a few more days for my body to be strong and 100% again. However, my choice to move forward in spite of feeling sick in the end strengthened me emotionally and that always helps you have a better attitude toward the difficult things in life. Doing the dishes in spite of how I feel it’s in the end rewarding.

With much love,

Alicia

The Journey is About You!

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When I ponder about life and try to discern who I am, what I am here for, and what is my purpose, or even define that purpose; one thing I gather for sure is that no matter who I am, what I am here for, what is my purpose, or how finely defined my purpose is, “this journey is about me”.

I love my children with all my being. Being a mother has probably granted me the biggest and deepest form of love. However, it is important to be realistic and know that even if my life affects theirs in a great way, my life is about my journey, about me.

Does that mean that I now have to become selfish?

No! Not at all. This newfound awareness does not serve the purpose of opening the door to selfishness or to become unkind to others. It means that now when you give of yourself, you are more aware that you are doing so as part of your personal journey. My choices good or bad can affect others, but primarily they affect my personal experience. A lot of my choices and consequences are lived physically and sometimes re-lived by my brain, my thinking, and my inner quality of life; all summarized through my “inner-dialogue”.

I live inside my brain 24 hours a day, every day.

My life is experienced inside my brain 24 hours a day, every day. The notion of becoming aware of my personal journey is for me to experience a higher degree of freedom when I make choices, or when life brings circumstances that are hard to experience and go through.

For example, my father had Alzheimer’s and though we are three children, I was the only one who could take care of him. The experience was very traumatizing to me, especially because my dad was an angry abusive person while I was growing up. Also, because I had to take care of him after not seeing him for 10 years. Ten years he did not want to see me. I knock his door several times through those years, and asked him to please see me, forgive me for whatever I had done, which he did not make clear to me; yet to no avail.

Today, six years after his demise, I am still working on the pain of that relationship and the scars it left imprinted in me. However, now I understand more and more that it was part of my personal journey. It was the experience that mixed with my particular personality traits and the rest of my environment was going to shape me into who I am today.

When I think that the hard things that I have gone through in my life so far, have helped me grow into a better, kinder, more compassionate, and thoughtful me. I can clearly see a better version of myself. I can now let go of the anger and pain of having felt like a prisoner of painful circumstances. I can choose to let go of feeling like a victim and experience more peace within me. It was about my journey. It was not a punishment or about God leaving me alone. “Whoever is He who is giving me this breath and my next breath has never once left me alone.”

It is all about you and your journey!

Embrace your life. Find purpose, and value in every breath you take. Experience your personal journey with the best love and peace you know how to experience today. Towards you and toward the people in your world.

If you understand that all you are experiencing in your personal journey, is building you and helping you evolve, you will definitely “stop being a victim to become a victor!”

When you embrace your journey in awareness, you will definitely act more than react to life because it is not about the small picture of today’s difficulty, but the larger picture of a full life well lived and experienced. It is about how you have been shaped throughout your personal journey called life. You do have a say in it. Life may come at you sometimes, but you always have a choice in directing where the experience leads you.

I wish you the very best with love, hope, and peace for your beautiful experience, the gift granted, and your personal journey.

With much love,

Alicia

Nuevo Año! Nuevo Armario!

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Ha comenzado un nuevo año. El 2020 está aquí. Podría ser este año o cualquier otro. Es un nuevo comienzo. El mismo nuevo comienzo que tenemos todos los días e incluso cada minuto. Podemos elegir dejar de hacer algo o hacer algo nuevo. Podemos comenzar una dieta, un nuevo estilo de vida o la búsqueda de un nuevo hábito más saludable. Es muy importante entender que estamos avanzando y que estamos organizados definiendo nuestra necesidad de mantenernos en control. Ese control nos ayuda a sostener el sentido de valor, pertenencia y presencia. Seguramente puede tener un peso importnate en nuestro estado emocional y mental.

A mi me cuesta mucho trabajar en un entorno desordenado, por lo tanto, organizo mi habitación y mi escritorio antes de estudiar o de trabajar. Esto funciona para mi. Tengo la sensación de que es lo mismo para muchas personas. Sin embargo, de repente entro en mi armario y me doy cuenta de que parte de mi organización se basa en guardar cosas en el armario. No puedo ver los artículos que estaban en mi camino antes porque, mientras me organizo, encuentro un lugar para ellos dentro de mi armario.

Comparemos por un momento la habitación y el escritorio organizados con nuestra vida cotidiana y el armario con nuestro ser interior profundo.

¿Qué ves?

Te diré lo que veo. Mi necesidad diaria de funcionamiento la vivo en piloto automático. Comparo mi vida cotidiana con mi habitación y mi escritorio; y a mi armario lo comparo con mi profunda vida de pensamiento interno. De la misma manera, que necesito orden en mi escritorio para trabajar, también necesito orden en mi cerebro para trabajar. Por lo tanto, si surge algún pensamiento difícil o doloroso, los guardo en el armario. Solo tengo que tener el control. Necesito funcionar. No puedo perder mi trabajo, tengo que atender a mi familia, etc.

¿Has considerado lo que le sucede al armario cuando sigues agregando elementos? Es posible que esté acumulando artículos que nunca volverá a usar. Lo mismo podría ser para el armario de mi cerebro. Si sigo almacenando sentimientos, pensamientos importantes que están gritando “resolución” o “dolor” en algún momento, mi mente no tendrá más espacio y podría explotar emocionalmente or fisicamente. Tambien podría ignorar a mis sentimientos.

Mirando mi armario por un momento y teniendo este discernimiento sobre mi yo interior y la relación entre ellos, mi resolución del año nuevo fue prestarle atención lenta y seguramente a mi armario y reorganizarme. Regalare lo que puedo, elegire tirar lo que debo y creare espacio. Con suerte, con una nueva conciencia, usaré el nuevo espacio mejor que antes.

Te invito a que le prestes atención a tu entorno.

Te invito a que le prestes atención a tu entorno. Generalmente habla de nosotros mismos. Es como si nos enviáramos mensajes de alguna manera. Es como si físicamente hiciéramos por fuera lo que eres por dentro. Es muy útil. Solo puedes avanzar ya que no podemos retroceder en el tiempo.

Ahora es el momento de comprometerse con un cambio positivo.

Me comprometo a limpiar lentamente mi armario. También me comprometo a prestar atención a esos pensamientos de “resolución” y “dolor” y trabajar en ellos al igual que en mi armario físico. Elijo regalar lo que no puedo mantener por mí mismo, tirar (hacer las paces y soltar) lo que no funciona y crear un nuevo espacio. En este espacio recién descubierto, intentaré dejar de tirar cosas en el a ciegas y de prisa. En cambio, mantendré un diario donde una sección será especialmente para aquellos pensamientos que me gritan “resoluction” or “dolor” pero con los que no puedo lidiar ahora. Haré citas con ellos para más adelante, pero ya no los ocultaré en mi armario. Soy muy afortunada. Ahora estoy al tanto. Me doy cuenta.

Con gran cariño,

Alicia

New Year! New Closet!

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A new year has started. 2020 is here. It could be this year or any other. It is a new beginning. The very same new beginning we get every day and even every minute. We can choose to stop doing something or do something new. We can begin a diet, a new lifestyle, or the pursuance of a new healthier habit. It is so important to understand that we are moving forward and that we are organized defining our need to keep it together or be in control. That control enables us a sense of value, belonging, and presence. It can surely have a weight on our emotional, and mental state.

I have a hard time working in a messy environment, therefore, I organize my bedroom and desk before studying or working. It works for me. I have a feeling it is the same for many people. Yet, all of a sudden I enter my closet and realize that part of my organization is putting things in the closet. I cannot see the items that were in my way before because as I organize I find a place for them inside my closet.

Let’s compare for a moment the organized room and desk to our everyday thought life and the closet to our deep inner self.

What do you see?

I’ll tell you what I see. My everyday need for functioning is lived on auto-pilot, my everyday thought life is just like my bedroom and desk, and my closet is like my deep inner self-thought life. In the same way, I need order on my desk to work I also need order in my brain to work. Therefore, if any difficult or painful thought comes along, I put them in the closet. I just have to be in control. I need to function. I cannot lose my job, I still have to attend to my family, etc.

Have you considered what happens to the closet when you keep on adding items? You might be hoarding on items you will never ever use again. The same might be to the closet in my brain. If I continue to store feelings, important thoughts that are crying out “resolution” or “pain” at some point my mind will not have any more space and I might implode, explode or I might become nom.

Looking at my closet for a moment and having this discernment about my inner self and the relationship between them made my new year’s resolution be to slowly but surely pay attention to my closet and reorganize, give away what I can, and choose to throw away what I must and create space. Hopefully, with a newfound awareness, I will use the new space better than I did before.

I invite you to pay attention to your surroundings

I invite you to pay attention to your surroundings, they usually speak of ourselves. It is as if we send messages to ourselves somehow. it is as if we physically do on the outside what it is on the inside. It is very useful. You can only move forward since we cannot go back in time.

Now it is time to commit to positive change

I commit to slowly cleaning my closet. I also commit to paying attention to those “resolution” and “pain” thoughts and work on them just like in my physical closet. I Choose to give away what I cannot hold on to by myself, throw away (Make peace and let go) of what is not work holding on to, and make new space. In this newfound space, I will aim to stop throwing stuff into that space blindly and in a hurry. I will instead keep a journal where a section of it will be especially for those crying out thoughts that I cannot deal with now. I will make appointments with them for a later time, but I will no longer hide them in my closet. I am so blessed. I am now aware.

With much love,

Alicia