Better Life Today

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Together

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Together is a very used word. We use it without hesitation to explain something we have done or achieved with a group of people.

However, it is important to take time to meditate and ponder on the real meaning of words and what they can do for you. This time of meditation opens our minds and hearts, expands our horizons, shift our perspectives and modifies our thinking process.

That is why today I want to expand on the word “together”. This word is mostly used as an adverb, but can be used as an adjective. Yet, more important than it’s grammatical meaning, is the way  this word can be used for inner life enhancement. That is where real change takes place.

It can be used to express a conjunction or a union, a collective effort, a simultaneous occurrence, what is in unity and or compactness.  Also, what stays or is without interruption.

We make choices based on what we understand, which in turn becomes what we believe.

For me personally, the word “together” explains the unity and collaboration that I experience with my loved ones. It helps me to feel part of a group.  It also makes me recognize and feel that I am not alone.

Ponder about this word and tell me. What does it mean to you?

 

With much love,
Alicia Yombalakian

The clouds are hiding the sun?

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Sky

If you are from a cold place like me sometimes it rains or it’s cloudy for a few days.  The clouds are hiding the sun, we may feel as though this will not change.

When it comes to our circumstances we feel the same way.  We tend to give up or give in. After a good fight to remove that circumstances from our lives, we sometimes come to terms with the fact that this is now part of our lives. This is the way we will now live our lives and we give up on seeing the sun again.  At this point we of course talk about our circumstance as if it is inside of us. It usually has a large place and space in our lives, in our minds, our thinking and in our speech.

This is where I want to use the example of the clouds hiding the sun. The sun is not part of the clouds.  They are in fact very far from each other and therefore, we cannot think of them as one. It may rain for a few days, but seasons change, the weather changes, everything changes and evolves. There is no way that it will rain for the rest of the lifespan of this world.

Now translate this to your situation. First of all this circumstance is not inside of you. It does affect you but it is external. This is how you start freeing yourself from it. Recognize that though you may not have the power to change an external issue, you do have power to separate yourself from it and of how much you allow it to affect you.  How?  By viewing it from different angles. By acknowledging that as inevitably everything evolves this will evolve too and it will be directed by your choices unto it.

Something else to point out is the importance of is educating yourself about the circumstance affecting you, it in order to make the wisest choices, so that you will have the best possible consequences.

We all go through circumstances in life, some are short term and easy to deal with, some are long term and or hard to deal with. Yet, you have more power in your choices than you know.

I pray and hope that these details, perspectives and tools will enable you to change the quality of your inner life today.

With much love,
Alicia Yombalakian

 

 

“El Efecto Espejo”

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La vida es como un espejo, lo que se refgleja en el exterior lo que está en el interior.

No se puede ocultar la realidad en el. Tampoco se puede enmascarar lo que sos en el interior del exterior. Cuando lo logramos, tiene generalmentede una corta duración.

Es importante ser consciente (o tomar conciencia si todavia no lo hiciste) de este hecho. ¿Por qué? Debido a que la conciencia te permitirá darte cuenta cuando no estás siendo fiel a tí mismo/a. Tu mente consciente te dira (dialogara) lo correcto cuando más lo necesites.

Por ejemplo, si estás reaccionando a un disparador, ser consciente te permitirá darte cuenta de cual es el gatillo.  

Pensar, decidir sobre un plan de acción, y actuar. En consecuencia tendras  un resultado totalmente diferente de lo que habrías tenido de otra manera. Esta práctica también, te permite crecer en tu interior.

Ahora que entendemos que la conciencia es clave, vamos a hablar sobre el efecto espejo.

No es fructífero tratar de ser alguien que no sos con la gente y lo que sos cuando estás solo/a. No es saludable, porque no te estás valorando, aceptando y amando quien realmente sos, sino que estas tratando de encajar en la perspectiva de la vida que otra persona tiene.

Por eso es ideal pasar tiempo a solas para pensar. Sí!  Pensar en ti. Hácete preguntas como. ¿Dónde estoy llendo con mi la vida? ¿A dónde quiero ir? Estoy aceptando, amando y respetandome a mí mismo/a? Que puedo emprender para convertirme en mi mejor yo?

Por lo tanto, en lugar de tratar de comportarte de diferentes maneras con diferentes personas, te comportas con tu mejor yo todo el tiempo y en todo lugar.

“Te mereces tu singularidad.” Fuiste creado de esa manera.

Todos somos un trabajo en progreso y debemos aceptar lo que somos en cada momento dado. Debemos hacerlo con amor y respeto por nosotros mismos en vez de hacerlo con juicio.

A partir de este momento sos consciente de que el efecto espejo mostrará lo que reflejas en él, y siempre tenes la oportunidad de elegir lo que queres que tu vida sea el interior. Tal vez  tus circumstancias no pueden cambiar en este momentos, pero la manera en que las percibis y como actuas hacia ellas puede sin duda cambiar su resultado.

Con mucho cariño,
Alicia Yombalakian

“The Mirror Effect”

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Life is like a mirror, which shows on the outside what it is in the inside.  You can’t mask what you really look like from it.  Neither can you mask who you are in the inside from showing it up on the outside. It is usually short lived.

It is important to be aware (or become aware if you were not) of this fact. Why? Because awareness will allow you to realize when you aren’t being true to yourself, your conscious mind will speak the right things to you when you needed most.

For example, if you are reacting to a trigger, being aware will allow you to recognize that trigger, think and decide on an action plan, and act upon it. Giving you a totally different outcome than you would have had otherwise. This practice also, allows you to grow within.

Now that we understand that awkwardness is key, let’s talk about the mirror effect.

It isn’t fruitful to try to be someone you are not with people and who you are when you are alone. It isn’t healthy because you are not valuing, accepting and embracing who you really are, but are rather trying to fit in into someone else’s understanding of life.

This is why ideally we should spend time alone to think. Yes, think about you. Ask yourself questions like. Where am I in life?  Where do I desire to go? Am I accepting, loving and respecting myself? What can I work on to become my best me?

Therefore, instead of trying to behave differently with different people, you will behave in your best you all the time and in all places.  “You deserve your uniqueness.” You were created that way.

We are all a work in progress and we should accept who we are at each given moment.  Do it with love and respect for yourself rather than judgment.

From this moment on you are aware that the mirror effect will show what your reflect on it, and you always have a choice on what you want your inner life to be like.  Maybe circumstances cannot change in a moments time, but the way you perceive them and the way you act toward them can surely change the outcome.

With much love,

Alicia Yombalakian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I need validation!

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We all need validation.  It is a very needed component for a healthy emotional balance. We are social beings and we need to be part of a group. Whether family, schoolmates, co-workers, friends, or any other quality of human connection.

Nowadays a lot of people will protect themselves by saying: “I don’t need validation. I validate myself.”, which sounds great if you are being diminished or mistreated by a group of people. However, life will not be happy or balanced if I cannot be accepted by anyone.  We all find someone who says I accept you as you are.  In my book, that is the best form of validation.

Yet, an even better form of validation is accepting yourself as you are and understanding that life does not have to be an ongoing war of acceptance.

Simply some people will accept you as you are and some won’t.

Definition of validating: Validate is a verb that means to show or confirm the effectiveness of something. To validate is to prove that something is based on truth or fact, or is acceptable. It can also mean making something, like a contract, legal.

When you use the word validations through its true meaning, you are saying:” If you accept me and I accept you, we are signing an emotional and maybe moral legal contract between us where we will develop a relationship.”

We require validation as a form of acceptance from our parents, siblings, extended family, and friends all through our lives.  However, this process begins at birth.  As you grow and you are taught the rights and wrongs, the do’s and don’ts.  The way in which you are corrected when you make mistakes.  Statements like: “You never do anything right”, “You will never amount to anything”, “You are a disaster!”, “You are terrible”, “I am disappointed in you”, etc. are all statements that diminish the value of the person making a mistake or not knowing how to perform a task under someone else’s expectations.  When that person is a child, it impacts that child’s view of himself and also impacts the way he feels about his relationships.  “I’m bad.”, “I’m not good enough.”, or “Nobody likes me.”  This does not feel validated.

This is a good reason why we need to separate behavior modification and love. Instead of using harsh statements like the ones I shared above it would be advisable to think before speaking to say things that will not threaten the child’s acceptance and love but will address the wrong behavior.  For example: “Peter, this is not the way that we fold clothes. Let me show you”  “Mary, you should not hit your brother. Please use your words. Say what is bothering you or making you angry, but do not use your hands. Please apologize and try better next time.”

Peter and Mary were explained that a behavior or a way of doing things was not right, but they did not feel unloved or unaccepted.

Yet, if you are an adult and negative statements were used to address you when you were a child, you are probably seeking attention to experience validation.  There are different ways to do that, but the most common one is becoming a people pleaser. You try to do what makes people feel good because you want to be accepted.  You desire people to think well of you and without their love and acceptance, you feel empty; meaning you have not accepted yourself.

Once you become aware of these aspects of your behavior or your need for validation, you can begin to address these needs by validating yourself. Of course, it takes time and practice to achieve. However, you can use a few strategies to get started.

1- Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and use positive affirmation to tell yourself how valuable you are and how deserving of love and respect you are.

2- Every time you realize you’re about to please people, stop yourself and ask yourself questions like: “What am I about to do?” “Am I trying to be supportive to a friend, or am I trying to please him/her?” The answer to these questions will enable you to make a conscious decision of supporting someone or to retract and not offer help that would have been to please people. 

You might find people who are accepting of you and make you feel validated, and some that will not. Yet, the most important person you need to accept and experience validation from is you.  You do deserve the best. Give yourself your best!

With much love,

Alicia