A lot of people can identify with me if I say: ” I lack discipline.” It has been hard to create the habit of being a disciplined person in different areas of my life. How I managed my time. I might have been disciplined at work, since is already structured for me. However, I had to build the discipline to exercise, though I really enjoy it as much as I had to do it about reading a book, since we can get carried away with watching videos all the time.
If your inner talk is something like this: “I need to loose weight and stay healthy. I need to exercise regularly, but I do it on and off.” “I want to protect my brain I need to read regularly, but it’s easier to watch a video online. I can’t make myself read a book.” ” I want build my own business, but I don’t know how to find the time to do it, so I start and give up quickly/” “No matter what I try I am stuck. I am still in the same place.”
What is most probably happening in your life is that you lack discipline to achieve what you want.
If what I shared resonates with you, follow along as I share 7 tools to become more disciplined.
1- Decide what you want; what you really want.
Many times we say we want to pursue change, but we do not know how to go about what we want to change or do not really know what we want. It is very hard to bring yourself to change your habits or lifestyle if you do not fully know what you actually want to do. Therefore, research, educate yourself on what you would like to change and make a conscious selection on what you want to change. Consider all the options you have. Find information on the people that have already gotten where you desire to go.
Some key questions to ask yourself would be:
Is this what I really want to change or do?
Am I consciously wiling to change my habits and lifestyle ti achieve this change? Even if it is sacrificial?
Am I willing to do this with or without support?
Am I willing to not give up when things get hard and stay with the program till the end?
2- Make a decision
Many times in life we want something, but we do not properly plan how to achieve or acquire it. It is hard to embrace what needs to change in your life, in order to achieve or acquire that thing you want, without making a conscious decision. You mind needs to be fully made up and decided that is about to embrace a different way of thinking, working or doing things. Our minds tend to go on auto-pilot once it acquires a new formed habit. Anything that is different from what it is used to, will be hard on the brain.
These are they type of thoughts that we need to say with a decisive intention in order to commit to the changes we are about to embrace. Yes! I am doing this! I can and I will!
3- Make a plan
After having researched what you have decided to change, embrace or pursue it is very important to make plans. This plan will enable you to be organized and to know what you need to do and what to expect next in the journey that is making a change. Designing a plan to suit your personal needs will build the structure that you need to follow in order to achieve that change.
Schedule your activities to help you build that structure. You can use a phone app or write your schedule on a paper and post it on the wall or fridge.
4– Awareness is the initiator of everything you do.
In order to bring any type of change in your life you need awareness. Once you have made that decision, becoming aware of your behavior or thought process will come easier as you are now in the same page with the commitment you have consciously made.
Awareness is that amazing tool that will help you stop yourself in your tracks when you are about to cheat on the diet. It is the voice that tells you: “Come on you can do this, I can see you want to give up” Funny enough when you become aware, you will use awareness as a tool for progress. You actually become more aware of your thoughts, behaviors and surroundings. That inner voice becomes really active.
For the most part we share some part or most parts of our lives with someone. Maybe you have a partner, children, live with your parents or with a friend. Maybe you live alone, but work with other people. When anyone commits to a change, whether diet, quitting smoking, stop drinking alcohol, start a new business, study, or any other change, will somehow affect the people around you.
You might need to tell your friends: “I can go out tonight, will only drink sodas. Please do not expect me to drink alcohol:” You may need to tell people at work: “Guys I cannot have sugar, please support me by not offering me candy or donuts.” You might need to tell your family: “I need to have some quiet to study. Please be there for me for the next hour or so.”
Whichever the case, it is important to be clear and explain to the people in your life what you have decided to embrace and request their support.
However, If you happen not to receive the support you requested, please recognize that you have committed to do this with or without it. Plan for what you need to do without the support.
We all need someone to be accountable to. This is a great help. It is easy to sidetrack, lose momentum and give up on what you have embraced. Look for someone you trust to help you stay in track and motivated. If you do not have such a person in your life, maybe look for a group that is doing what you do. For example if you are dieting, you can find forums online. If you started school, get a class mate.
7- Jot down your journey
It is a great tool to journal for every area of your life. Writing down what you feel, what you are going to do, your dreams, your goals, the steps you are taking to achieve your goal or anything else, helps you stay motivated, on track, aware and consciously accountable to yourself. When you read what you wrote down on a paper is like seeing yourself in your inner mirror. I till teach you a lot about yourself.
8- Day Dream
Lastly, day dream. Take some time to see yourself doing what you see out to do in your mind. Visualize yourself doing it and having achieved your goals. Declare it in your mind. Speak it to yourself. I personally like to make a list of declaration or affirmations about what and who I have decided to be. It will go something like this:
“I love exercising. I enjoy it every time.” “My body feels great when I exercise/” “I am fit, strong and healthy because I exercise regularly.”
I hope these tools will give you the courage to embrace a new you, a better you, a better quality of life and o build the life you want and deserve
I wish you the very best with what you desire to achieve in your life.
With much love,
Every year we reach the day when we celebrate “Thanksgiving Day” because of amazing historical events that changed our nation into what it is today. I am grateful to live in this land and grateful to share in this beautiful day when families and friends unite, coming together with the same purpose of thanksgiving.
Most people are very busy with preparation, but the emotions of thanksgiving and a sort of awareness, that for many is spiritual, is in the air. Thanksgiving is the start of a season of giving, when the largest philanthropist movements of the year begin.
Some families exercise thanksgiving and others just enjoy the delicious foods and fun company. However, sadly, we go back to normal in no time and tend to forget about the feeling and the reason we come together.
Today, I want to invite you to experience thanksgiving as a way of life.
We can pursue thanksgiving in our lives when we experience gratefulness from the inside out. This gratefulness does not magically live inside of you; it is built.
Before I tell you how to build it, let me tell you what thanksgiving will do for you.
Once you practice giving thanks, you will begin experiencing the emotions emitted by gratefulness. This will naturally happen as you consciously practice it.
Your outlook on life will be happier, more aware, more open, more positive, less selfish, and less stressful. Why? Because as you develop this practice you will experience the wellness and peace of gratefulness, which in turn will enable you to secrete the so called “Happy Hormones” (Dopamine and Serotonin).
In reality, anyone who desires to change his or her life can adopt this practice for a life changing new found attitude and fresh perspectives.
How do I practice Thanksgiving?
It is rather simple. You can develop awareness and conscious gratefulness, but choosing to look at all the details of your life and count your blessings.
At first, daily write down all the good things in every area of your life. Some examples are:
- I am grateful for my health.
- I am grateful for my house.
- I am grateful for my family.
- I am grateful for my friends.
- I am grateful for my income.
- I am grateful for my dreams and hopes for the future.
- I am grateful I am alive.
- I am grateful I am loved and cared for.
Another way to give thanks is looking at what is wrong in your life or not as good as you wished and recognize that everything could be worse. As you realize this fact, you develop the strength to face difficulties with a more open mind and awareness, which sometimes may even allow you to change a bad into a good. Examples of this can be:
- I don’t have enough money to make it each month. However, I am grateful that I have a place to live in.
- I am sick. However, I am grateful that I am not sicker, or I am grateful that I am on my way to recovery.
- I am sad because of this or that bad relationship. However, I am grateful that I have this or that friend who is there for me.
- I am going through a rough patch at work. However, I am grateful I have a job.
Express gratefulness according to your beliefs, your faith, religion or spirituality.
Making this a way of your thought-life will change who you are into a better, more positive, happier you. So, go for it. Try it out. Don’t give in to negative emotions and don’t give up. I am grateful for you.
With much love,
It’s so funny how when there are changes on Facebook, we feel weird. Some people complain saying things like: “I do not like it this change. I want the old way back. I was so used to it.” However, we all quickly adjust to the new settings, the new look and we no longer question the change, we no longer experience any difference. It feels normal again rather quickly. We go on with our lives as if Facebook had not changed at all.
The same happens when Yahoo or other internet commodity changes their look or settings. Yet, when a change happens in our personal lives. this process does not go as smooth. We are still experiencing the discomfort of having to see, feel and or do something differently than what we were used to. We are moving away from our known or comfort zone.
Whether we move homes, towns, schools, jobs, get divorce, get married or need to eat differently because of health issues, we go through the process of “The Fear Of Change”
For some people this process does not feel so difficult and for others it does. Yet, understanding the mechanics of how change affects me will be greatly beneficial for all future changes; as we would have reacquired awareness.
I believe the difference between getting used to changes outside of ourselves and the changes have take place from the inside out, is that one is non-personal, maybe masses of people go through that change at the same time and the change is non-invasive to our daily lives as a personal change would.
I would like to draw from this example a question. If you can get adjusted to a general change social media makes, why don’t you use the same thoughts, understanding and actions to adjust to change in your personal life?
The thoughts or language we use for specific happenings in our lives are dictated by our belief system, thought process and expectations about it.
1- Non-personal change: A new social media icon shows up, you sigh up and learn how to use it. It can get frustrating because it is new to you and you are not used to it.
2– Personal change: A new employee is hired and he seats on a desk next to you. You need to get to know this new person, interact and help him through the training process.
They are both adjustments you need to make in your life. However, large or small, if you want to use the new social media page, you will have to get used to their system. As well, if you want to keep your job, you need to get used to a new person sharing your space 8 hours a day.
Again, the difference between them is that example#1 is not personal and example#2 it is.
“Your Belief System Dictates Your Expectations”
The way you see, believe, perceive and understand your surroundings and your what you experience, creates a belief system and most certainly an expectation. According to these expectations you will react or consciously act. In every instance of your life you have preset expectations.
You may experience joy when your expectation is joyful, sad, angry or fearful when that particular expectation is set. This is for the most part, the reason why a person experiences fear of change. SInce the expectation is already set to a tone that says: ” I have done this before and I experienced discomfort, anxiety or even fear as I transitioned into a new surrounding, new job, new people or new way of doing things.
Once you understand what you are experiencing and why, you will find that you have more open options to make conscious decisions that will make transition easier.
It is important to mention that the decisions we make which pursue actions are very important. However, the thoughts that you harbor all day every day are of utmost importance since they shape every belief system and therefore, decisions. Therefore, paying attention to your thoughts and correcting the fearful thought with a peaceful or courageous thought, the anxious thought with a peaceful one or the hapless thought with a hopeful one. In short you can achieve inner change by paying attention to your thoughts and changing the negative for positive ones.
Negative thought: I can’t start over at another job. I am afraid of what kind of people I will find. Positive thought: I can do this. I have done it before. I am sure i will find interesting people in my new experience.
“Your new normal. Embrace it!”
There are some things you just cannot change, however, there are things that only you can change. You might not have the opportunity to quit your job before you have a new one, but you have the power to take daily walks and relax. You might not have the power to heal someone, but you do have the power to make a difference in their lives with your love.
With much love,
In life, we go through cycles.
Just like the world goes through seasons, so do we. At times, we reach that place where everything seems to go downhill. We feel as if all is lost.
We reach that bottom line, where it feels as though we cannot get out of the hole. Our emotions are all over the place, therefore, everything in our lives suffer. Have you ever been there? Are you there right now? I have been there countless times throughout my life. Not easy, but possible. I got out every single time. I became stronger with every experience of resilience
Every time we are in the downhill part of a season, we somehow rise up again and start over. Yes, we grow resilient! There could be several reasons why we go to that ugly, painful, and sometimes emotionally torturing pit.
Whether a difficult cycle starts because someone close to us gets sick or dies, or whether we lose a job, get divorced, or sick, we will find emotional difficulties.
Our thinking will change. In many instances, we will feel shaken. Depending on the happening you are going through, the balancing and healing process will take different amounts of time. Yet, it is important to know that no matter where you are, if you are still breathing, you have an opportunity to heal, to overcome and start again.
I don’t have all the answers, but I believe in developing a plan of action for those special times in life. If you do not have a plan, you might feel lost and hopeless.
Here is a small plan for you. Use it as is, modify it to your personality and circumstances, or research a plan that tackles your specific needs.
It is also important to check with your doctor if you suffer from hormonal imbalance due to a disorder.
- Accept that what happened, happened.
- Acknowledge that this is a process and you cannot hurry it up if you want long term success.
- Do not waste your time finding blame. It will not prosper you. Instead, work on healing yourself.
- If there is someone you need to forgive, do let it go for your own good.
- Do not keep it to yourself. Share your pain with someone. Do not dwell on the issue, but get it off of your chest.
- If you can, find a support group. It can be in a church, a group of friends, or family that you can count on.
- Give your emotions a workout. Journal, draw, sing, or use whatever form of expression that will allow these emotions to come out in a healthy way.
- Design a plan of action by choosing what you want to achieve and making a list of priorities to follow.
- Visualize yourself, healed and happy. Do this often.
- Whenever possible, volunteer. Help someone else in need. This will make your problems smaller, and it will take your attention away from you.
Remember that so long as you are on this earth, you can always find a way to overcome, to start again, to find a purpose, or to take on something new. It is never too late. We do not have to be what we feel. We can rise above our feelings and create a great life for ourselves. Our feelings will adjust to the new person we have become.
With much love,
Yes! That is part of life for us all. Sometimes, my heart is filled with sadness. There is nothing I can do to avoid the pain. What I do with this pain is what will give direction to my day, week, month, or even life.
What I am about to share with you did not come from a book I read, but from my own pain. This is what I have learned and how I deal with it. I trust that this information and guide will help you deal with your pain in a healthy way, where it will not swallow your life, but instead you will grow from it, increasing awareness, balance and joy as you practice these principles.
We are belief-system, pattern-following, discerning beings.
We human beings need each other and either lead or are lead, but we affect each other in every possible way. I know this is a very strong and broad thought, however, this is, in short, who we are. It is great to have a foundational understanding of who we are and how we function in order to make conscious decisions to direct our lives in the best possible way.
Emotional pain can come from so many different places, whether it is the loss of a loved one, sickness, abandonment, discrimination, joblessness, fear, loneliness, being misunderstood, or any other happening in your life. This will sometimes create weakness in your emotional and mental state.
Can anyone avoid it? No, but…
Pain is part of the set of emotions a human being has. There is no way around it. We can experience it in a diversity of forms, for a vast variety of reason. Yet, we can find a system in which, when applied, these emotions will catapult us into a better us, into a game changer, or even a great example for others to follow.
Though this is something I can help you overcome one on one as a Life Coach, I want to give you tools so that you can work on yourself, starting now.
Pain does not have to take your joy and life away forever. Pain does not have to live inside of you for long periods of time.
Mourning does have a process of its own. I will write about it in another segment.
It is important to mindfully go through this period to come out on the other side of this tunnel and enjoy again. However, for most causes of pain in life, we can come out on the other side of the tunnel rather fast, when we see the light that will guide our steps there. Pain can make you feel blinded, but when you understand what is happening to you and its process, this pain will have a purpose and not swallow your life.
The “little big” formula to quit being stuck on pain
1- Stop asking “why?”. This will only stunt your walk into freedom from this emotion. This question will not change the fact that something has happened that caused you pain.
2- Take a moment to take a deep breath and think about what you actually feel. Write it down, say it out loud, sing it or draw it. This is the beginning of healing.
3- Make the conscious decision that you want to get over this emotion.
4- Every time you start thinking of this pain, “Why me?”, “How?”, “It’s unfair”, or any negative thought that will keep you trapped in this experience, take quick action. Change the thought for a positive one, like: “Can I learn anything from this happening or pain?”, “Let me change my perspective and evaluate this again.”, or ” I choose not to be stuck on pain. I will do something positive for myself.”
5- Change scenery, if you can. Go for a walk, dance, put music on, or use your imagination where you visualize yourself experiencing joy and freedom.
6- Do something pro-active that will help you feel good with yourself. If you believe in God or pursue a faith or religion, seek God with this pain, pray for strength to overcome it, and pray for others too. Read the Bible for hope and insight.
7- Help someone. When we help someone else in need, you remove yourself from your situation and mental state. It is a blessing for others, and a great tool for you.
8- Remember your value, which is the same value I have and everyone else has. This value is not based on your mistakes, your strengths or weaknesses, but on the fact that you are a living, breathing human being with a world of opportunities for change and growth.
I hope and pray these tools will work for you as well as they work for me and my clients.
With much love,
Can’t keep goals? Here’s how to change that.
Having a goal-oriented mind frame is the key to being able to produce change until you get the desired results. Most people have a hard time keeping up with a new behavior for a long period of time. This hardship only occurs when the new habit wasn’t formed and you experience struggle. Your inner understanding and self talk will be something like this: ” I am making myself do this”, ” It does not feel natural or second nature”, “I cannot do this anymore”, “I am ready to give up”.
What is happening is that your already formed and often used neuro-pathway (brain connector with encoded information) is doing it’s job and telling you that you are safe as you are now. “Please keep on doing what you know. This is safe. I am afraid. Do not store me away.” In short, you are missing your old behavior, the one you are comfortable with. Therefore, you are not really acquainted with the new behavior pattern you are trying to create a neuro-pathway for.
If your goal is to lose weight, for example, which is my very life’s lived example, you will find that you can stick with that diet for a while.Yet, that old behavior that is common to you will knock the door of your thought-life, and give you a lot of excuses for which it is OK to give up or to cheat on a non-cheat day. You will dialog with those excuses and accept them, feeling comfort in that food or drink, thinking something like: “I’ll start again tomorrow”. Every thought is a seed, and it evolves (no way around it my friend), so you will most likely grow that thought larger and larger until you actually give up. Soon you will start experiencing guilt, failure and, many times, your overall self-esteem decreases.
Awareness, key ingredient in any change we pursue
We keep on finding new ways of dealing with life, and we share it with each other. This is my very passion, and so I love sharing what I discover and/or understand, with you. Why? Because it is key to understand something new and apply it in your practical life in order to achieve something new. Doing what you know and repeating what you have done before will only give you the same result you have had before. Adding a new behavior to what we did before, due to a new awareness or doing something totally new, will give us different results.
When you can see tomorrow, you can find the strength to carry on with today’s hardships
I find it especially helpful to practice awareness on a daily basis, and staying focused on the end result. There are a lot of practices nowadays to stay focused.
- Create a vision board with pictures and quotes that remind you of where you have decided to go with your life.
- Journal your experience.
- Visualize the end product.
- Speak as though you are already enjoying the new fruit of your labor.
The most important thing is to find a way in which you can stimulate hope into that cause. Whichever method you use, remember to ignite the fire as you journey through the achievement of this goal.
The method I would like to add to the previously mentioned ones is this: “Pay special attention to your self talk”. I emphasize on this often, because you can be your own best friend or your worse one. The way you speak to yourself will let you see yourself in your inner mirror as a valued, loved and deserving person, or it will let you see yourself as a not enough, unloved, non-deserving person. Funny enough, we act and react upon how we see ourselves inside.
Just like you correct a child when he or she does something wrong, you will need to correct the unhealthy thought and replace it with a healthy one for as long as it keeps on resurfacing in your mind, until your brain creates a new neuro-pathway. This in turn will create a belief system that will replace the unhealthy one. At this point, your inner mirror would have changed to see the amazing you that you are.
You can do this!
With much love,